This blog was inspired by 31 for 21 & is about my wonderful family.

"As a mother, my job is to take care of what is possible & trust God with the impossible." ~Ruth Bell Graham

"Never look down on someone, unless you're helping them up!"

Monday, August 12, 2013

Pride, worry, sadness, grief, & thanfulness...

     This day is filled with emotions for me.  Pride, worry, sadness, grief, & thanfulness just to name a few.  You wouldn't think that one day could bring such an array of feelings.
     Pride.  My baby started his junior year of high school this morning.  He has 3 honors classes this year, which makes me so proud...busting at the seams proud.  :)  I am also so proud of my little warrior, Troy.  This time 4 years ago, he was fighting for his life.  He fought harder than words can explain to be here today.  His recovery is nothing short of a miracle.  I am so very proud that I have such a strong son.
     Worry.  My son drove himself to school for the very first time today.  After driving him to school every year (except the 3 years I home schooled him), I sat in my living room as I heard him crank his truck & drive off by himself.  Would he make it to his destination?  Would he be on time to his first class?  All of these things were in my hands every year before, now they are in his hands.  Along with those honors classes comes great responsibility.  Not only does he have to juggle 7 classes, but he also has to find the time to do his homework & study, all while holding a job, too. 
     Sadness.  My 7 lb 3.5 oz baby is growing up...growing up WAY too fast.  It feels like he was born just yesterday, now he is embarking on his junior year of high school.  He will soon graduate, start college & his own life.  :'(  To think, what if Troy's journey would have ended 4 years ago.  What if his job on Earth was done & I wouldn't see him again this side of Heaven.  Because that is just what the doctors said would happen.  We were told he wouldn't survive. 
     Grief.  I look back on that dreadful day.  No parent ever wants to hear the words "CODE BLUE" called for their child.  I will never forget that Troy's surgeon 'just so happened to walk by' his room as the code was called.  He ran in, along with 15 other doctors & nurses, to work on my son.  Dr. Kogon had no idea that the code was called for Troy...he had no idea that child was his patient in the seconds this happened.  He just ran in to help out, then he realized it was his patient when he saw Troy.  They quickly intubated Troy & a nurse pumped the bag to push breath in his body.  They whisked Troy away to the CICU where they had the tools to help him.  We had no idea if Troy was still fighting for his life or if God had called him home.  We had to wait in his hospital room until someone came to tell us the outcome.  I grieved for my son, even though I didn't know if he was alive or not.  My heart hurt more in those hours than it has ever hurt in my life.  Now, 4 years later, my heart grieves for what could have been.
     Thankfulness.  Chancey is growing into a fine young man.  He truly is a good person with a kind heart.  I am so blessed to have him, Troy, Mackenna, & a fantastic husband.  I am elated that God had other plans for Troy & that He spared my son's life.  I am so thankful to be here...to actually feel these emotions on this day.     

1 comment:

  1. Hi there, I'm Lindsey! I have a question regarding your blog. Could you please email me when you have a moment? Thank you so much, looking forward to hearing from you!