This blog was inspired by 31 for 21 & is about my wonderful family.

"As a mother, my job is to take care of what is possible & trust God with the impossible." ~Ruth Bell Graham

"Never look down on someone, unless you're helping them up!"

Monday, February 25, 2013


     This past month has been so difficult for me & my family.  I lost my precious Harper, just 7 weeks into my pregnancy.  Then, just days later, I found a lump in my breast.  I called my doctor & he wanted to see me the next day.  He found the mass & described it as the size of pea gravel.  He was very concerned, so he sent me for my very first mammogram, followed by an ultrasound. 

     Cancer?  At the age of 36?  Breast cancer?  No one in my immediate family has had breast cancer.  One of my great aunts had it over 20 years ago...but the strides that have been made over the past few years.  Why do I have to put my family through ANOTHER obstacle?  What will happen to my kids?  Who will take care of them when I'm in chemo & so sick afterwards?  WaitChemo...what will that do to my pancreas?  We can't afford for Mack to be out of work for this.  Wait!  We just bought a house, we can't afford this at all.  I'm going to make us lose another house just after purchasing it!  No..no..no!  Be gone, Satan!  I'm not afraidI'll fight this with every fiber of my being, I've fought an equally tough battle before & came out victorious!  I have to be here for Mack & our kids...& my nephew & niece.  If God thinks it's my time, I'm going to make the best of what I have left with my family.  These were just some of the thoughts that raced through my mind over those weeks of waiting.

     I waited until I went to the doctor & he was concerned, before I told anyone.  Really, the only people who knew about my findings were Mack, my dear friend, & my mother in law.  I even kept it from Chancey, my oldest son.  I didn't want him to worry if it was just a cyst.  After all, cysts are very common.  My mother has them, so does my mother in law.  He needed to focus on school...he needed to be a normal teenager, after all, my illness took most of his childhood!  But once my doctor was concerned, the first person I told was Chancey.  He was mad, as I figured he would be.  But the next day, he wore his pink shirt along with pink breast cancer awareness socks to school to show his support for me.  That made my soul smile.  :)  But still, I hated to have to tell him.  He has watched me suffer so much & there was a time when we all thought I wouldn't live to see past the age of 30.  :(  My husband asked our Sunday school teacher & our associate pastor to pray for me, as well as some of our friends & family.  I know that God is the One & only Great Physician, so I laid it at His feet. 

     Then the call came in.  It was my doctor.  He told me that not only was the mass benign, but it was GONE!  I had nothing to worry about!  NOTHING!  No further procedures, no worrying, NO CANCER!  NO CANCER...NO CANCER...NO CANCER!  I hit my knees & thanked my Lord & Savior for healing me.  I thanked Him for not putting my family through that again.  Then I just couldn't wait to tell everyone the news...everyone who asked.

     But Satan had one more weapon in his belt.  He wants me to question the Lord & to stray from Him.  Not only is he attacking me, but he's attacking my family & I will NOT stand for that!  We stand firm with the Lord during the glorious days & during the storms!  One day, Satan will learn that & leave us alone, even if it isn't this side of Heaven.

     I had been having chest pain for about 2, maybe 2 1/2 weeks.  I chalked it up to the crushed T6 vertebrae in my back.  I figured if it was my heart, the pain wouldn't come & go.  So I just ignored it.  That was until I went to a doctor for a mandatory physical for Social Security.  They checked my blood pressure & the doctor asked me if I had hypertension.  I told her that I have never had high blood pressure...it's usually 110/70 unless I'm in severe pain, then it's elevated.  She advised me that it was 160/131.  I advised her about the chest pain I had been having & she said that I needed to go to the ER, ASAP!

     I really didn't think anything else about it until the chest pain began again about an hour after thatMy husband made me go to our local CVS to check my BP again later that afternoon.  It was 172/97.  He called his mama to come watch the kids & we went to the ER

     My BP was still elevated at the ER.  They did an EKG immediately & put me in a bed.  They ran further tests & administered 2 baby aspirin & a nitroglycerin pill.  They wanted to keep me for observation, but they couldn't tell me what was going on.  I didn't have a clot, which was my concern since I have anticardiolipin antibodies.  They didn't think I had a heart attack because the 2 sets of blood work did not indicate that.  So I told them I was going home.  My kids needed me more that I needed to be at the hospital.  They wanted me to stay & repeat blood work, as a heart attack doesn't always show up in blood work for 12 hours.  I was adamant on leaving, so I was advised to follow up with a cardiologist within 3-5 days & a PCP in the same time frame.

     I went to a cardiologist 3 days later.  He brushed it off & said that he'd run some tests, but that I needed to go to a PCP to monitor my blood pressure, it was still high.  I was beyond furious!  He sat in his little chair with his back to me the entire time, while typing on his computer!  I think I had to explain to him that I have chronic pancreatitis 9 times & why I have it.  He gave me a paper on the DASH diet, which is supposed to help my BP.  Proof positive that he didn't listen to one word I said (I have to be on a strict diet with my pancreatitis...if I go off of it, my pancreas flares up & I become VIOLENTLY ill)!  I was so mad that I cried the whole way home!  My already hurting heart was broken in to pieces!

     My family was so furious about that ignorant doctor, but they all wanted me to go for a second opinion.  So I called another doctor that a friend recommended to me.  He wanted to see me immediately, & I mean within the hour.  He even left his rounds at the hospital to come see me.  He was awesome, truly awesome!  He told me that if heart disease runs in my family, that genetics will take over, no matter how hard you try to prevent it.  He agreed that something is going on & wants me to go for further tests that he scheduled for this Wednesday.  He gave me some samples of blood pressure medication & called in the same medication along with some nitroglycerin pills.

     I know that God is in control & He will see me through what ever happens with this.  I just hate that my family has to go through yet ANOTHER trial because of me...AGAIN!  So if you pray, please keep them all in your prayers.  They need strength & patience.  Also please pray that God will give Dr. Ashfaq the wisdom to see what is going on with my body.  Thank you in advance.    

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