This blog was inspired by 31 for 21 & is about my wonderful family.

"As a mother, my job is to take care of what is possible & trust God with the impossible." ~Ruth Bell Graham

"Never look down on someone, unless you're helping them up!"

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

From nightmares to meetings...

     I woke up in the wee hours of the morning at the end of a nightmare.  But this wasn't just a nightmare.  This actually happened to me nearly 17 years ago.  When I woke up, my heart was broken & I felt like I had just lived it all over again.  I was hoping that if I thought good thoughts before going back to sleep that I'd dream good dreams this time.  Nope.  I dreamed it all over again.  I went back to sleep thinking that I couldn't possibly dream that again...I was wrong.

     I have been trying to shake this all morning.  I know that this happened nearly 20 years ago.  I know that it's all over & done with.  But I am just so sick about it all...so brokenhearted.

     We learned about dream interpretation in the Psychology/Sociology class I took in high school.  I learned that if you think of something that you don't usually think of during a day, you'll dream about it that night.  I know that's true...I've done it more times than I'd like to.  

     Yesterday morning, I woke up with pain in my eye, which turned out to be a stye.  Those of you who know me personally, know why looking at my eye or any eye, freaks me out.  I had to look at my eye many times yesterday & today...I've also had to do research to make sure it was a stye.  Hence the nightmares.

     Hopefully as the day progresses, my mind will forget the nightmares & I can move on.  I've tried focusing on other tasks, but it's still lingering around my brain.  It has to get better, right?!

      We meet with Chancey's math teacher after school today.  I'm hoping to receive some answers to why he's struggling so hard & why this teacher isn't doing his job.  I'm so frustrated with this man!!!!  I pray that God will put His arm around my shoulder & His hand over my mouth during this meeting.  I'm praying He gives me the wisdom I need & the words to say to make this teacher understand that he needs to do his job.

     You know, school is so much different now than back in my days.  When I was in high school, we were able to pick our schedules, classes, & teachers.  Now we did have to take certain things, like we had to have 4 years of English, to graduate.  But we could choose who our teachers were & what period we wanted that class.

      Not these days.  We had to take either 3 maths & 2 sciences or 2 maths & 3 sciences.  You had to take Biology & Physical Science, but other than that, you could take any other science you wanted to the next 2 years, or you could be done with the sciences & you could choose the type of math classes you wanted.  If you wanted a college prep seal on your diploma, you had to take Algebra I, Geometry, & Algebra II.  But if you didn't care about going to college, you could take any math you wanted as long as you had at least 2 credits.  Now, you have to take 4 maths.  They aren't divided up into Algebra, General Math, or Calculus.  It's all in one!  You have to take Math I, Math II, Math III, & Math IV.  It's required!  Let me tell you, math is NOT my strong suit.  Give me Human Anatomy all day, but math, NO!  

     Therefore I have no way to help Chancey with math.  It's all over my head.  I've heard they're changing the math classes for the class under Chancey, but that doesn't help him.  He still has to do this Math I-IV course & this mama isn't happy about that!  Not to mention this teacher will not return my emails, notes, or calls.  My husband had to go to the vice principal to get his attention.  

     I try to be understanding.  I realize that my son isn't this teacher's only student & Chancey's class isn't the only class he teaches.  But I've never had a problem out of any other of his teachers at this school.  They are all very nice, very helpful, & punctual when it comes to getting back with me.  This guy, he won't respond at all.  I'm hoping this meeting makes him realize that coaching football isn't his only job at school.  

     I hope this meeting helps.  I pray that God helps us get through this second semester so we NEVER have this teacher AGAIN!  And Lord, please help control my husband's temper...he doesn't have a very long fuse, you know.  :)

Monday, January 7, 2013

On this day, 7 years ago, my life stood still!

     On this day, 7 years ago, my life stood still.  I had been VERY sick for months, spent 5 weeks in the hospital, but was told that I was now healthy...but it sure didn't feel that way.  I couldn't eat, drink, or even swallow my own saliva without vomiting.  I was so weak & couldn't get out of bed.  But I didn't reach my breaking point until I realized that I couldn't attend my son's first basketball game of the season.  My husband took him to the game without me & it broke my heart.  I had NEVER missed any of my son's games...EVER!  My mama stayed with me & she tried to convince me that I needed to go to the hospital.  I prayed for God to intervene.  I asked Him to tell me what to do.  After all, my doctor said I was fine.  God answered my prayer.  He told me to go to the E.R. where my uncle worked.  But that hospital was in another county, nearly an hour away.  I didn't care, that's where God was leading me to go.   

     My mama helped me brush my teeth & put on some clothes.  We called my husband & told him to meet us at Joan Glancy Memorial Hospital when the game was over.  I didn't want Chancey to be any more upset than he was & I didn't want his game interrupted.

     We arrived at the hospital.  My entire family was there...my husband & son, my in-laws, & my parents.  They got me back to the treatment area pretty quick & started running tests.  My uncle wouldn't treat me, which was fine with me.  I knew he'd make sure that I was in the best hands.  

    They gave me some IV medications to help with the extreme pain & vomiting, along with fluids to help hydrate me.  I was still vomiting & miserable, though.  We were all praying for some answers.

    It wasn't long after I came back from my CT scan when the doctor came in.  He said, "I know what's wrong with you."  I grabbed my husband's hand & started to cry.  I said, "Hallelujah!"  The doctor said, "I do have answers, but you're not going to like them."  I told him that I had been through months of agony & as long as he had an answer, I was happy.  He began to explain to me that I have what's know as chronic pancreatitis.  I had a pseudo cyst that was very, very large.  It originated in my pancreas & went to my right hip.  He said that the contents of this pseudo cyst were fatal.  If it were to rupture, my organs would liquefy before they could get me to an O.R.  I'd be admitted to the hospital & the surgeon would come see me with a plan of care.

     They gave me A LOT of medication, so I don't remember much after that.  I do remember that the next day or the day after that, I had a drain placed into the pseudo cyst to help drain it.  Before I reached my room following the procedure, my drain bag had to be emptied.  If I'm not mistaken, it had drained 2 liters of fluid within 5 minutes.  This drain would remain until the pseudo cyst "matured" enough to be removed.  I was on Lasix to keep fluid from building up & was not allowed to eat or drink anything.  I'd be receiving my nutrients intravenously.

     I spent the next month & a half waiting on the pseudo cyst to "mature."  I finally had my surgery on February 13th.  During the surgery, I had more drains inserted, this time they were attached to pumps.  I had been cut from my sternum to my pelvis.  Getting out of bed was DIFFICULT to say the least.  For the next month, I had a Foley catheter because I was still on Lasix.  I developed Sepsis 5 times, had to have 2 blood transfusions, & one of drains popped out twice.

     I spent a total of 9 months in the hospital for this.  I wasn't allowed to eat or drink the entire time.  When I left the hospital, I left with a Hickman catheter (central line IV) in my chest.  I was hopitalized several times after this for complications due to my chronic pancreatitis & once for pneumonia.  That Hickman catheter remained in my chest until April 2008. 

     Those 3 years were beyond tough for me & my family.  My son had to live with my parents while I was hospitalized because my husband worked 10 hours a day, then came to be by my side every day after leaving work.  He spent every weekend with me, too.  The hospital was 40 minutes or so away from home, so I didn't see my son every day...that was the hardest part for me.  And when I did come home, I still wasn't healed.  I could just receive the care I needed by home health nurses & I gave myself the medications I needed through my IV.  I still couldn't eat or drink very much without being sick.  I lived in the bed...my body was just too weak.  So I watched as my husband & son mourned my life & tried to live their own lives.  Talk about heart breaking!!
     I am now restricted on what I can & can't eat.  I can not consume ANY alcohol, PERIOD.  Which means I have to watch really closely what medications I take.  I still have flare ups quite frequently.  This is something that I will live the rest of my life with.  But, GLORY TO GOD, I am still alive!  Since then, I've been blessed with 2 more children.  Proof that my faith in God, my persistence, all paid off.  

     My illness is not something you hear much about.  It's mainly something that chronic alcoholics develop.  Some people do develop it like I did.  I know of 3 people who developed it, but theirs was fatal.  Talk about being humbled!  Mine wouldn't have gotten as bad as it did if my first doctor would've done his job, but I can't dwell on that.  I have to thank God for telling me to go to THAT E.R. 7 years ago today.  I am so thankful, so grateful, that I didn't act before asking The Great Physician what He wanted me to do.  I firmly believe that is why I'm still alive today, because I was obedient to God's plan.  I listened to Him when He answered my question on what to do.  I never gave up.  I never felt sorry for myself.  I never, EVER questioned Him or His will, I still don't.  As a matter of fact, now I know why He had me endure all of that.  It was to get me to where I am today.