I haven't been a perfect person. Don't claim to be. I've hurt people. I've sinned, haven't we all? I've been spiteful & perhaps this is my karma. Perhaps this is my punishment for being spiteful in the past. Maybe this is God's way of showing me my wrongs. I do know that I am learning. I am a work in progress. Aren't we all? But the actions of these people have rocked me to my core. Have made me more mad & hurt than I believe I've ever been before. I'm sure they are laughing & living it up knowing that their mission was accomplished. But, you know, I picture my Heavenly Father shaking His head in disbelief. I can see Him marking this down to remember on that faithful day we are all awaiting. I also think of one word when I think of this whole situation...HYPOCRITE! Here's the definition: hyp·o·crite [hip-uh-krit] noun. 1. a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie (to show to be false) stated beliefs.
With all of this being said, I am wiping my hands of this entire situation. I am sick & tired of people getting their panties in a wad when I get hurt & MY KIDS GET HURT & speak my mind to those people (something that doesn't EVEN involve them). So because I stand up for my children, I am shunned. Because I'm tired of my children being last, & I mean DEAD LAST, on the totem pole & I call those people out...for that I get THIS? And I know if the roles were reversed & they were in my shoes, that they'd do the same thing...because they, too, love their children. I'm done being treated like a doormat...only used when needed. Called, shoot, who am I fooling, TEXTED when they NEED something. Not to check on me or my family. Any way... I know that God wants me to forgive them. And I will. But right now, the wound is raw & this will take time. I have forgiven them so many times without even receiving an apology & this time, I believe that I'm entitled to one. For me to be treated with such disrespect after I've done absolutely NOTHING wrong...yep, I'd say I am entitled to an apology if they want a relationship with me. I've bent over backwards to help them time & time & time again. I have done things that I didn't want to, because I felt like God wanted me act as He would. I've allowed these people to be at some of the most important, momentous times in my life, when in fact, I really didn't want them there either. Because to me, some things are sacred & are meant to be for the people in your life who actually love you & truly care for you. Yet, they were there. Hindsight being 20/20, I suppose I should've acted the way they did. But that's not who I am. That's not who God called me to be.
Lesson learned. I know where I stand. My heart is broken, but it will be repaired. But I serve a loving & forgiving God, Who knows my pain. Who knows my sins & accepts me. I have the world's best husband, who loves me & stands beside me. He is always right beside me, loving me! And we have 3 immaculate children, who love & support me, too. These 4 people love me unconditionally! Yep, we argue, we have disagreements. but talk about it & we get over it. We don't seek revenge. And I'm not teaching them to be that way. I want better for them. After all, if God for us, who can be against us? They can be against us, but God will always be victorious!