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This blog was inspired by 31 for 21 & is about my wonderful family.

"As a mother, my job is to take care of what is possible & trust God with the impossible." ~Ruth Bell Graham

"Never look down on someone, unless you're helping them up!"

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Can you say HYPOCRITE?

     I try to be a positive person.  I try to see the best in everyone.  But the actions of some people just hurt.  And to KNOW that their actions are done to deliberately hurt you, well, that's just like adding salt to the wound.  I realize that their actions were meant to be spiteful.  I was raised in a home that is dead set on revenge.  Taught to cut your nose off to spite your face, no matter what the cost.  But now that I'm an adult, with a family of my own, I TRY not to be that way.  And I say TRY because I am a work in progress.  It's a hard habit to erase after living in that all of your life.  I am trying to be a better person.  A person that my kids can actually look up to.  A person who can stand at the feet of God & take my judgment with pride.  That being said, I'm done with childish games.  I'm not on this Earth to hurt folks.  I'm not here to please any one.  I am here to live my life, raise my kids, & show everyone the love of God.
     I haven't been a perfect person.  Don't claim to be.  I've hurt people.  I've sinned, haven't we all?  I've been spiteful & perhaps this is my karma.  Perhaps this is my punishment for being spiteful in the past.  Maybe this is God's way of showing me my wrongs.  I do know that I am learning.  I am a work in progress.  Aren't we all?  But the actions of these people have rocked me to my core.  Have made me more mad & hurt than I believe I've ever been before.  I'm sure they are laughing & living it up knowing that their mission was accomplished.  But, you know, I picture my Heavenly Father shaking His head in disbelief.  I can see Him marking this down to remember on that faithful day we are all awaiting.  I also think of one word when I think of this whole situation...HYPOCRITE!  Here's the definition:  hyp·o·crite [hip-uh-krit] noun. 1. a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie (to show to be false) stated beliefs.
     With all of this being said, I am wiping my hands of this entire situation.  I am sick & tired of people getting their panties in a wad when I get hurt & MY KIDS GET HURT & speak my mind to those people (something that doesn't EVEN involve them).  So because I stand up for my children, I am shunned.  Because I'm tired of my children being last, & I mean DEAD LAST, on the totem pole & I call those people out...for that I get THIS?  And I know if the roles were reversed & they were in my shoes, that they'd do the same thing...because they, too, love their children.  I'm done being treated like a doormat...only used when needed.  Called, shoot, who am I fooling, TEXTED when they NEED something.  Not to check on me or my family.  Any way... I know that God wants me to forgive them.  And I will.  But right now, the wound is raw & this will take time.  I have forgiven them so many times without even receiving an apology & this time, I believe that I'm entitled to one.  For me to be treated with such disrespect after I've done absolutely NOTHING wrong...yep, I'd say I am entitled to an apology if they want a relationship with me.  I've bent over backwards to help them time & time & time again.  I have done things that I didn't want to, because I felt like God wanted me act as He would.  I've allowed these people to be at some of the most important, momentous times in my life, when in fact, I really didn't want them there either.  Because to me, some things are sacred & are meant to be for the people in your life who actually love you & truly care for you.  Yet, they were there.  Hindsight being 20/20, I suppose I should've acted the way they did.  But that's not who I am.  That's not who God called me to be.
     Lesson learned.  I know where I stand.  My heart is broken, but it will be repaired.  But I serve a loving & forgiving God, Who knows my pain.  Who knows my sins & accepts me.  I have the world's best husband, who loves me & stands beside me.  He is always right beside me, loving me!  And we have 3 immaculate children, who love & support me, too.  These 4 people love me unconditionally!  Yep, we argue, we have disagreements. but talk about it & we get over it.  We don't seek revenge.  And I'm not teaching them to be that way.  I want better for them.  After all, if God for us, who can be against us?  They can be against us, but God will always be victorious! 

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