This blog was inspired by 31 for 21 & is about my wonderful family.

"As a mother, my job is to take care of what is possible & trust God with the impossible." ~Ruth Bell Graham

"Never look down on someone, unless you're helping them up!"

Monday, June 11, 2012

Heart mom

     On this day, 3 years ago, our lives hung in the balance...well that was the plan.  It was the day that our precious Troy was set to have his surgery to repair the defects in his heart.  But, on our way home from pre-op, we received the call that his surgery had to be bumped to the next morning due to an emergency with another child.  I had waited for this surgery, yet dreaded it, for many months & now we had to put it off another day.  I was upset, yet relieved.  I began to pray for the child who needed to take my Troy's slot that day & I suppose I'll always wonder how that surgery turned out.  Because as a heart mom, I will always be connected to other heart moms & their warriors.  I will always pray for them all...I know how they feel & I know it's my job to try to help out the only way I know how.  If you are a heart mom or dad, I am sure you understand.  You know the feeling you get when you hear a child is having an OHS & the parents ask for prayers...you know that feeling when you hear that a child has a heart defect.  Some people receive the miracle they seek, some don't.  I don't know God's plans & can't explain why some families are able to rejoice, while others are left to mourn.  I do know that sometimes God's plan for healing doesn't mean that the child is healed on Earth....sometimes their healing means they get a one way trip to heaven.  I can't even begin to imagine the pain & I never want to experience it either.  I do know that God sure blessed us by giving us our miracle, not once, not twice, but three times so far.  How we got so lucky, I'll never understand, but I sure am grateful to God for choosing my family to receive these blessings.  If you know me, you know my Troy's journey.  {If not, here's a brief synopsis.  He was born with complete AV canal defect (he was missing the center of his heart & he also had 2 tiny holes near the huge hole & his mitral & tricuspid valves were fused together) & he had that repaired on 6/12/09 ~1 day shy of being 5 months old.  He got very ill 2 months later & was rushed to CHOA @ Egleston.  They thought he had a severe tear in his mitral valve.  He coded right there in front of us...by the pure grace of God, his surgeon happened to be walking past his door at the moment they reported code blue & he came in Troy's room.  They bagged Troy & took him to the CICU.  We had not idea what was happening...if he was alive or not.  They had to put him on life support & he would receive another open heart surgery as soon as he was stable....this would fix him, we were told.  But he wasn't oxygenating on the vent, so he had to be put on the oscillator.  He was then stable enough for surgery, but it was too late that day...he'd be the first case the next morning.  We walked with him from the CICU to the OR doors...that was one of the hardest things I had to do, walk with my son, who was breathing only because the nurse was doing it for him, & hand him over to the surgeon once again.  Once the surgery was over, the doctor himself came into the waiting room...I looked at my husband & my heart sank.  I knew he was only there with bad news, & sure enough, he was.  He told us that Troy had infective endocarditis so bad that his mitral & tricuspid valves were just rotten...when he touched them, they fell apart...& since he was so small that there was no viable tissue to help rebuild them.  He said that Troy most likely would not survive...that he did the best he could.  But God had another plan.  Troy's heart healed itself.  But because it did, he has a ton of scar tissue, which is causing tricuspid stenosis (narrowing of the tricuspid valve).  He went into complete heart failure at 23 months old & had to have another heart surgery to open up that valve.  The surgery was a success, but it is a temporary fix.  The cardiologist expects that he'll need an artificial valve one day soon.  Until then we wait.}  I know that I have no right to ask God for another miracle, since he's given me so many, but I pray every day that Troy's heart will heal itself again so that he doesn't have to endure any further surgeries or procedures.  I'm not trying to be selfish, but I need him...I think I need him more than he needs me.  He has taught me so much & through this journey thus far, I've become much stronger & I have grown in my walk with God.  Again, I don't know why He chose us to receive this perfect child & why He has blessed us with his presence, but I sure am grateful He did.  In my eyes, Troy is one brave warrior.  He truly is a miracle.  He's one of my heroes.  He is a true blessing.  He is a brave little warrior who deserves to be respected, not ridiculed.  He fights everyday & has more determination than I've ever seen.  As I look back on the past 3 years, I am overjoyed at the blessings we've received & the obstacles Troy has overcome.  I will raise him to know how awesome God is & to thank Him each day for the work He has done & will do for him.  I know I have & will continue to as long as I live, then I will thank Him in person for eternity. 

♥ Happy almost 3rd, 1st OHS, (3 years, 1st OHS)  Troy!  And to the child who took Troy's surgery slot that day, happy heart day....I think of you often & pray all is well. ♥

1 comment:

  1. couldn't imagine having to walk those walks, but thank God he was right there with you and your family. many prayers :)