This blog was inspired by 31 for 21 & is about my wonderful family.

"As a mother, my job is to take care of what is possible & trust God with the impossible." ~Ruth Bell Graham

"Never look down on someone, unless you're helping them up!"

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

God answers prayers in 3 ways...

     God answer prayers in three ways.  God says yes and gives what you want.  God says no and gives you something better.  God says wait and gives you the best!  I've learned first hand that this is true.  For almost 10 years Mack & I wanted another child.  Over those 10 years, I lost 6 precious babies.  In 2005, I was saved & was baptised with Chancey just days before my birthday.  Our lives changed tremendously.  We started listening to only Christian music, we were at church every time the doors were open, we began saying Grace at every meal, we stopped using curse words, & we witnessed to every one we could.  Later that year, I became very ill.  I didn't know what I did wrong, where I went wrong.  But I didn't blame or question God or give up.  I kept on praying & knowing that God could & would heal me.  I knew that God had a reason for me to be so close to death.  I spent nearly a year in the hospital.  I couldn't eat or drink, I was fed intravenously for nearly the entire year.  Someone from my church would come at least once a week to visit me in the hospital & pray over me.  It was so hard watching my husband's & our son's lives turned upside down.  I wanted to be back to my old self, but that seemed to be just a dream.  I laid in the hospital & wasted away wishing that I could either just die or get better.  It was just so hard seeing my family look at me with pity & frustration.  Finally, I was able to go home.  But I had to have a nurse come to care for my central IV line & check in on me.  I was at home, but I was no where near back to normal....far, far, far from being healthy.  I couldn't hardly get out of the bed to go to the bathroom, much less try to enjoy my life & the life I had built with my husband & our son.  If I did get out, I was sick the entire time & just wanted to go back home & go to bed.  I was taking several IV medications, pain medications, anti-emetics, & even having to have fluids intravenously a few days out of the week.  I still couldn't eat or drink very much...the only time I would eat or drink was when I was forced to.  It was just to hard to have anything in my stomach.  Then I started having what we called "spells."  I couldn't think straight or sit still, I would sweat profusely, & my skin would crawl.  These "spells" went on for well over a year.  I went to several doctors & even a psychiatrist, every doctor said I was experiencing panic attacks.  I was put on medications to help them, but nothing helped.  I researched panic attacks on the internet.  It said that you can shorten the attacks by meditating & using breathing exercises.  But again, nothing helped.  The "spells" would come on with no warning at all hours of the day/night & last for hours, even days.  I was just about ready to admit myself to a psychiatric hospital, they were that bad.  I began to break out in fevers every weekend.  You could mark your calendar & watch by me because the fevers would hit at 7:00 p.m. on Friday night, every Friday & go on through Sunday night.  This went on for months.  I went to 2 different ERs & even to my specialist.  No one could explain the fevers.  Plus I was tachycardic (my heart rate was higher than normal).  So my doctor decided that having that central line in my chest could be causing the fevers & since I had sepsis half a dozen times in the past few years, he didn't want to chance anything, so he scheduled me for the procedure to take it out.  A few weeks after having my IV out, I was still having the fevers.  Then all of the sudden, the fevers stopped, but the "spells" kept coming.  Nothing could break them.  I was taking the highest dose of Xanax, sleeping pills, & pain pills...nothing helped.  :(  A few weeks later, I started getting more nauseous & couldn't hold anything down.  I was so scared that the pseudocysts were filling back up or were absessed again, but things weren't getting worse so I just thought this was part of the process of my new life.  We went to my family reunion on Sunday & that night I decided that I wanted a chili dog from Sonic (if you know me, then you know that I HATE hot dogs).  We got home from eating & I wanted to lay down because I was already feeling sick.  Mack came in the bedroom with me & we turned on the TV.  The show 'I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant' was on.  The more I laid there, the sicker I became.  After vomiting, it hit me.  I could be pregnant!  Strange cravings, vomiting, chronic fatigue, all were signs of pregnancy.  I told Mack my theory & he jumped up to go get me a pregnancy test.  The next morning I took it, & sure enough, I was pregnant!  I was really concerned since I was so sick & was on A LOT of dangerous medications, so I called my OB/GYN.  I went to see him that afternoon.  They confirmed the pregnancy.  I advised them of my history of miscarriage & what the infertility clinic had told me when I went there (I have a blood clotting disorder & my body thinks the baby is a blood clot & it attacks the baby until it dies...so I have to take Heparin shots in my stomach everyday from the time of conception to right up to the delivery).  They wanted to do an ultrasound to make sure the baby was fine & just to see how far along I was.  I called Mack to tell him to come straight to the doctor's office on his way home so he could see the baby.  He got there just in time.  I found out that I was 8 weeks pregnant & the baby was fine.  We both got to see our little baby & even hear his little heartbeat.  It was just amazing.  I was told that I had to go to a Perinatalogist so he could monitor my clotting disorder & help me get off the medications that I was taking that would harm the baby.  I slowly weaned off the pain patch over the next few weeks.  I stopped taking the Xanax & all of my pain medications.  The only thing I took was the anti-emetics & they were safe to take.  Then the Perinatalogist determined that the skin on the baby's neck was thicker than it should be.  He wanted to do a CVS test to see if the baby had Down syndrome.  He thought that the baby had a 1%-2% chance of having Down syndrome, but I wanted the test done.  I was NOT considering an abortion, let me make that clear.  I am the type of person that needs to know so I can process everything, research it, & deal with it.  About a month later, it was confirmed.  I was having a boy & he did have an extra chromosome.  I grieved for about a week, then after talking to my husband, my mother in law, & God, I was over it.  I knew that God had his reasons.  Then after a ROUGH & I mean ROUGH 4 months, I began to feel great.  No more spells!  Then I found out that those "spells" were a type of reaction to the Fentanyl in the pain patch!  I was so relieved that I wasn't crazy (LOL).  One night, we were at the funeral home & our associate pastor was there.  He knew what we had been through because he was there every step of the way.  He told me something that I will never, ever forget.  He said, "You know, that baby is your crown."  I asked him what he meant by that.  He said, "After all you have been through, you never gave up.  You never questioned God & you never stopped believing that He would heal you.  So your baby is your reward, your crown, for believing & never giving up."  Then it hit me.  Yes, he was my crown & I was going to wear my crown proudly.  We had prayed for another baby for 10 years & God gave us one.  He has Down syndrome, so what?!  He was PERFECTLY made for us.  Yeah, some people think of Down syndrome as an imperfection, an abnormality, but not us.  We see Troy as the link we've been praying for & he's absolutely flawless.  So, you see, God does answer your prayers.  Maybe not when you want them answered.  He may not answer the prayer in the way you want Him to, but He will give you what He sees fit.  You never know, the answer you receive may bless you more than you ever imagined.  Look at what all I endured; years & years of agony, suffering, & extreme pain but I wouldn't take away one second of that journey if it meant that I'd have to give up Troy.  So the next time you pray for something & you don't receive it when you want it, think of me.  Think of the years it took me to have my prayers answered.  ~I still have the illness, it will never go away, but I'll take it in return for Troy.~  Don't give up & don't question God.  He knows what He's doing, even if you don't at the moment!  :)

1 comment:

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Your faith in God is inspiring. I am a mother of two boys w/special needs. On my worse days I read words like yours and it doesn't take me long to pick myself back up. Thanks again.