This blog was inspired by 31 for 21 & is about my wonderful family.

"As a mother, my job is to take care of what is possible & trust God with the impossible." ~Ruth Bell Graham

"Never look down on someone, unless you're helping them up!"

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


     I guess I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.  Everything is either pissing me off or making me cry.  I wish I could shake this horrible mood already!
     It all started when I had to scream at Chancey to finish getting ready for school for the 3rd straight day this week.  Either Mack or myself go into Chancey's room every morning to wake him up at 7:00 or just before 7 a.m.  He gets his shower then goes into his room.  We always remind him of the time around 7:30 that he needs to brush his teeth & finish getting ready.  This morning I was a tad late reminding him, it was 7:40 a.m. when I yelled to him.  He opened his door & he wasn't even dressed!  The bus runs at 7:50 a.m., so he had 10 minutes to finish.  I knew he'd be ready in time, but it's so frustrating having to tell him EVERY DAY to get going.  I was already frustrated when Troy started banging my arms & legs HARD with his toy car while I was trying to watch last night's episode of 'Parenthood.'  I'm usually forgiving & know that he's just wanting my attention because he doesn't have it at that moment.  But I just went off.  I threw the truck on the love seat & he looked at me like I tore his heart out, which broke my heart into a zillion pieces.  I wasn't trying to take it out on him, but I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed.  I know I shouldn't complain, but I'm just tired of feeling like I'm the only person trying in this house.  I am the only person that does Troy's therapies.  He receives PT twice a month, but I have to keep it up daily or he loses what he's learned & will never progress.   NO ONE tries to help me out, knowing that I have titanium rods in my back & a crushed vertebrae in my thoracic region, & not to mention my illness.  I guess no one realizes that Troy weighs nearly 24 lbs & lifting him constantly is torture.  Then I am his sole provider of OT & speech.  I work with him constantly.  It's not that I can't tell he's learning, because I can.  It just gripes me to my soul when I work SO hard to teach Troy the correct way to do something & a few people DELIBERATELY do it incorrectly & I have to spend weeks trying to teach him the correct way to do it all over again.  Example:  I have worked so hard teaching him to wave "hey" & "bye."  He would do it at first.  Then some people started blowing him a kiss as soon as they saw him.  So he associated "hey" with blowing a kiss.  So I taught him to say & wave "hi" instead.  He had it down pat for weeks.  Then he saw these people again, & guess what, instead of "hi" they blew him a kiss.  Now EVERY TIME someone stops to speak to us when we're out, he blows them a kiss when we tell him to say "hi."  He saw them on Saturday, briefly, & I've been working with him ALL week to reteach his brain "hi" without blowing a kiss.  I know, it sounds cute, but it's really aggravating when you've worked so hard.  He'll get it one day, I suppose, but I guess I see it as he HAD it, don't ruin it.  They haven't been around him very much & really do not understand how hard it is for him.  I don't want to hurt their feelings, but he's MY son.  They should respect my feelings & respect the way I'm raising him.  Others get it, why can't they? 
     After my meltdown this morning, I decided to let Troy watch "Your Baby Can Read" while I checked my facebook account real quick.  Then as I'm scrolling down reading people's status updates, I see that one of my friend's status said: facebook is retarded!  I just gasped & simply went to her profile & unfriended her.  I have told her a million times not to use that word & she hasn't listened to me, so I had to remove her from my friends.  I supposed I shouldn't be trying to change people, but if you want to be my friend, you'll be respectful of my feelings.  Especially when you KNOW that I have a son that has been diagnosed as mentally retarded.  When you use the "R" word in that fashion, you are disrespecting my son, me, my family, & everyone that loves someone with special needs.  These days, that word is used to describe something that is stupid & people with special needs are far from stupid.  So the misuse of that word is very hurtful & when you use it, you look stupid!  I realize that I can not banish that word from every one's language, but I was hoping that my posts on facebook would make people realize that misusing that word is wrong.  I guess all of my campaigning for the Spread the Word to End the Word isn't doing one bit of good.  It's times like these when I just feel like I should just delete my facebook account & be done with it all.

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