This blog was inspired by 31 for 21 & is about my wonderful family.

"As a mother, my job is to take care of what is possible & trust God with the impossible." ~Ruth Bell Graham

"Never look down on someone, unless you're helping them up!"

Friday, October 29, 2010


Tonight I watched Private Practice after Grey's Anatomy as usual.  My career was in the medical field before I became disabled so I LOVE any medical show that's on TV.  Mack leaves for work at 10 pm so I just record anything that he watches at that time, but I watch it then.  It's kind of 'my' time since the kids are in the bed, I just unwind watching TV...I know I should read or do something productive, but I'm doing that from 7 am until 10 pm EVERYDAY.  Anyway, at the end of the show, one of my favorite characters is attacked.  It was apparent that he was going to rape her.  On this episode, he hit her a few times, pushed her into her office, & then he closed the door.  It went off like that, but it showed scenes from next week's show.  He does in fact rape her, according to the previews.  It was pretty graphic & I couldn't stop crying.  Most people don't know this about me, but I was raped when I was younger.  It was one of the worst things imaginable.  When the scenes from next week's show were playing, I was flashing back to when it happened to me.  I immediately called Mack's cell phone.  I figured he wouldn't answer because his phone rarely picks up in the plant.  I just wanted to hear his voice on the voicemail.  But, he answered.  He tried to soothe me the best he could over the phone.  He said, "Go read the Bible, everything is going to be okay.  I will be home as soon as I can."  I am so lucky to have such an understanding & loving husband.  He knows that I will have horrific nightmares all night long.  I usually know when a rape scene is coming on a show or a movie & I just won't watch it to keep from "going there," but this one crept up on me.  At least I know not to watch next week's episode until Mack is with me!  Being a rape survivor is a blessing but it is a challenge.
Let's get on to something positive.  We bought a HUGE pumpkin so that I could gut it & take Troy's picture in it just like I did last year.  Well, I gutted it & put some old pants & a Halloween shirt on him to do just that, only he was NOT having it!  I put his little bare feet in that pumpkin & he drew them up & clinched on to me.  He has some sensory issues so I took him out, soothed him, & tried it again.  He was not getting into that pumpkin!  So I just let it be.  Now I have a HUGE pumpkin with 2 holes in the front bottom half where his legs were supposed to go.  I snapped a few pictures of him near the pumpkins we will carve tomorrow night...they are cute.
We're checking Chancey out of school a little early tomorrow so he can get dressed up & go trick or treating on the square with Troy.  Troy is really leery of strangers, so I am hoping that he'll do fine trick or treating.  Chancey is going to be a zombie & Troy is going to be a monkey.  Mack has to work tomorrow night, but he's SUPPOSED to be off on Saturday night.
I think that I'm going to try to get some sleep now.  My back, neck, & right shoulder are hurting me SO bad!  This Neurontin & Advil are not cutting it either.  I shouldn't complain because at least I AM alive to feel this pain.

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