Thursday, October 21, 2010
Nuturing a child with special needs often encounter the heart of God in ways that can only be described as a spiritual mystery. Those honored to serve these children are given a
unique connection with the God whose image they bear – seen in a gazing smile, a shrieking laugh, or an unspoken moment of delight that proclaims to all “the refreshing water of God’s joy is available to us all.”
I have one of the most difficult yet vital callings in the kingdom of God. But how can I maintain the ongoing energy and passion needed to parent a child with special needs & a teenager?
There’s no other way to do it than to daily embrace the call to lay down your life. Philippians 2 says: Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross! (Philippians 2:5-8).
All Christian parents are called to mirror Jesus by taking on “the very nature of a servant” at home. But needs. Even if those around you never understand the load you bear, you play a part that is immensely important from God’s perspective and is credited as serving Christ himself (Matthew 25:40).
I am human so I do feel discouraged & frustrated sometimes. When I do, I simply step back & take a breather. I am a perfectionist, so I want Troy to get it right on the very first try. This has been quite a challenge for me since Chancey always did things quickly. He crawled at 7 months, walked at 10 months, & at this age (almost 2) he could carry on a full conversation with anyone. Troy can't. But, Troy will! He may not be able to do the things that Chancey could at this age, but eventually he will. I know that he has to have more attention & requires more work than a child without special needs. I knew this before he was born. I just feel like he needs more than I can give him. He needs to have more therapy, more intervention. But my insurance only pays for therapists that aren't qualified to work with kids with DS. Been there, done that. My insurance won't pay for (BCW) Babies Can't Wait. He is receiving PT from BCW, but they're 'eating the cost'. So they can't afford to also provide OT & speech. Therefore, I am the one doing those with him. I feel like I am constantly working with Troy. He depends on me & I know that. I'm not complaining, I just feel like he needs more professional assistance. He gets PT only twice a month, that's it. I've asked his therapist if he needs more than that & she says that he doesn't. I know that he'll do things at his own pace & I try so hard not to feel defeated at the end of the day. Not to mention that I feel like I am neglecting Chancey. He sees me with Troy all of the time. He's a teenager & it probably doesn't bother him one bit that I let him do his own thing, but I feel like I am giving all of my attention to Troy. I love both of them equally, like a mother should, but I just feel like I'm not doing my job very well. Both of them are my responsibility & #1 priority on Earth & I feel like I am letting them both down.